OK.. been a few days.. I was traveling with my brother. Went to a NASCAR race in Kansas City, which was surprisingly fun. Anyway. I have been swimming or walking every day and doing my best to eat better. I have slipped a few times but I figure if I don't indulge a few cravings I will just give up. I weighed myself today for the first time since this started and ... 343. I have lost 10 pounds. It could be better but it is encouraging. I can continue swimming and keep on the path of eating better and I will improve. I want to be 300 pounds by by birthday in August.

Game on.

Day 1

OK.. Yesterday, 4/28 was day 1.. it started easy enough, we had leftover chocolate cake from the weekend, so I had a piece for breakfast. I remembered about 2/3 of the way through the piece that I was trying to eat better. Fuck. Muscle memory is strong. That's alright, I had fruit and mostly healthy food the rest of the day. I even walked.. not very far, about 10 blocks, but I got off the couch and did something.

On to day 2..

OK.. so this site hasn't been used in a while so I am changing directions. This page is hopefully pretty anonymous.. I am now 353 lbs, the heaviest I have been in a decade and I hate myself for it. I have talked to friend about losing weight in the past and each time, when I inevitably do nothing about it, I feel like a failure not only to myself, but feel like the person trying to help me looks down on me. I have decided to try again, but I am not telling anyone but my wife and this stupid computer screen. It will not be easy, but I think I have gotten to the point where I can be honest with myself. I eat because I am bored, I eat because I am good at it, but mostly I eat because I don't like where I am with my life.. My life has gotten so much better in the last 2 or 3 year, I won't bore you non existent readers with my sob story, suffice to say if there is a way to screw up a relationship, or your finances I have done it.. and done it better than most. Recovering from those mistakes has been long and hard. There have been many times when I wanted to give up, thought that my family would be better off with my life insurance money than with me, despite what they said. I never acted on those feelings, but I won't say I didn't think about it a lot, I even had a plan. I is surprisingly easy to find ways as a fat guy to kill yourself that could be written off as not suicide. Sigh.. anyway that is behind me now, hard work and a modicum of success is quite a successful anti depressant. So back to my weight, I weight 390 lbs in 2004 when I had gastric bypass surgery and dropped all the way to about 260ish. But hey, lucky me, I was one of the few that has no problem eating sugar after gastric bypass, didn't make me sick at all. So I ate sugar.. lots of sugar. It took a while, but I have gained almost all of the weight back, plus being 10 years older means that I don't like my body much. It hurts to walk, stand up, do almost anything. It sucks. There are 35 weeks left in 2015 and if I can average 2 lbs lost per week, I can lose 70 lbs by the end of the year. This is my struggle, nobody else and I will not involve anyone else unless I reach a point where I have to. I hope that I can lose more in the beginning to jump start my weight loss, and I can start feeling a little better a little faster, but we will see. I will be using this site and my personal diary and if anyone I know sees this, feel free to ask me about it, but don't make it public, as a favor to me. I need to do this my way or I will fail. Game on.